You know the expression “Never say never”? Here’s a starter list of phrases that will never be used to describe me:

  • He enjoyed being surrounded by large crowds of drunken people.
  • He loved every second of every “Sharknado” movie.
  • He was one of the world’s greatest soccer enthusiasts.
  • He was an early adapter of many Microsoft hardware products, particularly The Zune.
  • He never missed a moment of the Monday 8am physics lab in his freshman year of college.
  • He couldn’t get enough of debates about how to achieve peace in the Middle East.
  • He enjoyed working on actuarial tables in his free time.
  • He once got stuck on a roller coaster that stopped in the middle of a ride.
  • He yearned to spend more time in the deep south.
  • He once considered a career as a clergyman.