Not With My Eyeball You Don’t

Here’s a column I wrote in the summer of 2000… I have one major phobia, and it has to do with a body part. No, not that one, thanks for asking. You’d think that if there were one body part I’d be particularly sensitive about, considering the fact that I...

When My Daughter Grows Up, Her Life Won’t Include…

When my daughter was eleven, I started making a list of all the things from my own life that will never be part of hers. It was inspired by my brother telling me that he’d been in the car with my two nephews, and when they reached their destination, he told them...

Not Andy Kaufman Again

With Andy Kaufman’s name back in the news thanks to his brother trying to convince people he didn’t die of cancer in 1984 but is actually still around and has a 24-year-old daughter (a dumb stunt not even up to the level of lameness Kaufman perpetrated...

Shots Fired, Nothing Changed

After Columbine, things were supposed to change. After Virginia Tech, things were supposed to change. After Aurora, things were supposed to change. After Gabby Giffords, things were supposed to change. After every mass shooting, things were supposed to change. Nothing...

There’s No U In Team

I didn’t know until today that my college’s baseball team had been in the College World Series, and frankly, I was shocked. Not because I didn’t think they were good enough, but because I didn’t know the school — now known as Stony Brook...

Refreshed But Not Refreshing

The programmers who write code for really good pieces of software, or apps, or websites, must constantly improve their products once they become popular. That includes updates to work out bugs, or for security reasons, or in response to feedback from the public....