This is a companion piece to my previous blog entry, The Concert Cleavage Girls

I’ve been lucky enough to go backstage at a concert on occasion because I’ve emceed so many shows and interviewed so many musicians over the years that they’ve been nice enough to invite me. Let me tell you the one word that sums up The Backstage Experience: boring!!

Here’s what happens. After the show is over, you are led to a holding room somewhere in the bowels of the arena, usually next to the visiting team’s locker room. There, you stand around with a bunch of other people who also have a huge “I’m so special” grin on their face. Meanwhile, the performers hit the showers, change clothes, have something to eat, etc., all in their dressing rooms.

After about 45 minutes have passed, the star and a couple of band members are brought into the room, usually by some record company representative who doesn’t know you well enough to introduce you by name, so you boldly do it yourself. This is it, your chance to have that in-depth conversation with a big name!

Your Big Moment goes something like this…

You: “Hey, great concert, I really enjoyed it!”
Star: “Thanks.”

This completes Your Big Moment.

The star has moved on to someone else, who is also complimenting them on the concert, plus throwing in an obscure reference that the star politely laughs at for 0.8 seconds before moving on again.

After the star and band make it around the room once, they’re out of there, leaving you and the other special people to look at each other and remark yet again on how great the concert was. Of course, the star and the band are in such a rush to finish meeting the folks in that hospitality room because they have to get back to the party room next door. That’s where the real action is going on.

You help yourself to a pretzel, two celery sticks, and a piece of sweaty cheese, wash them down with a warm beverage, and you’ve come to the end of The Backstage Experience! Please keep the pass that’s stuck to your jeans as a memento of this wonderful occasion, with the star’s compliments. Now get out.

As you exit past the Zamboni, you hear lustful screams muffled through the cinder block walls. Mission accomplished for The Cleavage Girls!

Previously on Harris Online…