Surprises in the Osama Bin Laden private paperwork that was made public today:
- Once tortured an Al Qaeda lieutenant for not removing all the brown M&M’s from a bowl he put out for a party.
- Should never have invested in franchises of tanning salon company Afghanis-Tan.
- Was frustrated he could never beat Ayman Al-Zawahiri at Words With Friends.
- Thought it was funny to ask associates, “Is that a bomb in your underwear or are you just happy to see me?”
- Loved Brooks, hated Dunn.
- Stopped watching major league baseball when they allowed designated hitters.
- Held a grudge against TJ Maxx because they would only give him store credit for a return, not a refund.
- Considered ordering a hit on Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cruse for the less-than-satisfactory final episode of “Lost”.
- Hoped he’d live to see the day a pizza company would finally put hot dogs in the crust.
- Kept in shape by devoting 30 minutes a day to Tony Horton’s Extreme Home Fitness Workout DVDs.